#66 Smaller Knuckleheaded Stupid List

It was time to add chlorine tablets to the pool in Connecticut. At the instant I unscrewed the lid of the large tablet container, I took in a deep breath, certain I would die.

Trying to put summer-like streaks in my own hair in 1970. I didn’t realize that even though my hair was dark blonde, it would not lighten. I was up all night assuming that keeping the goop on longer would work. What I ended up with was a bright clown orange crown of my head, no sleep and an appointment with a hairdresser in the morning.

Not boiling water even though the city warned about a water main break.

Unprotected sex.

Learning to drink. And unprotected sex.

Expecting any lawyer to just take care of me.

When severe weather caused a friend to be re-directed to Baltimore instead of the original flight to my city in Pennsylvania, I drove through the worst storm in decades, speeding, beating her there. 

The much-deserved ticket and points for going 85 mph because I was late leaving to pick up a friend flying into Syracuse.

So desperate for something sweet, found a packet of ancient chocolate pudding in the back of the cabinet. I took a breath just as I put a spoon of dry pudding in my mouth and had chocolate filled lungs. Did the chlorine incident teach me nothing? I coughed for 2 hours.

Living in Greenwich Village in the early 70’s without exploring that neighborhood. I worked hard during the day, came home, ate food from a deli and went back to work the next day. My dog ate better than I did.

On weekends I taught skiing when I first moved to New York. Coming from the west, the eastern ice was new to me. I started my first beginner’s class out on a low hill. The entire lesson was keeping them one by one from skating down hill over the road and getting hit but a bus.

Back in the 70’s, flying through Chicago to Milwaukee from Seattle at Thanksgiving. First of all, flying any Thanksgiving; stupid. All flights were cancelled out of Chicago with no food left in the airport. People were charging $5 for a quarter for phones. I had my dog to rescue at the kennel. So I rented a car. I was dumped in the middle of a lot without boots. I had to keep brushing snow off the license plates to find the car. I drove alone to Milwaukee in the biggest snowstorm in years.

Not taking more furniture when #7 The Air Vent Conversation guy and I broke up in Milwaukee.

Not getting to know more people in East Hampton when I had my house there. Nah, maybe not.

One time in the 80’s I was working on my birthday. I learned that there was a cake for me. I was so averse to forced birthday occasions, I called in to say I was going directly home. What a snot.

Not enjoying more of Connecticut during my 5½ years there. 

In New York, early 80’s, I had no idea that everyone was doing cocaine. Reference any of the So I Bought Him A Humidifier essays. I made cookies for my clients at Christmas. Some were getting drugs from the competition.

When I announced my departure from New York radio in the 80’s, it was a huge decision and then a let down. A few people wished me well, but suddenly I wasn’t allowed to attend meetings, even though I was working for a few more weeks. After I left, turned out there was a corporate celebration combined with a going away for me. I never went because I felt that I had left and that was that. I wasn’t invited to meetings because they were planning my party, which I didn’t know.

A friend, a pal in my life invited me to go around the world with him. He was separated but married. And I had my job. But weighing all that vs. seeing the Andes, the Himalayas?

A neighbor who was letting me use his computer to write my first screenplay came in one night, after he had had several drinks. He thought he was showing me how to save the file. He deleted the whole thing.

Not taking paintings and furniture when I left #56 It Takes Two. Nah!

After being away from golf for 20 years, a friend invited me to join a foursome with the loan of some clubs. I was hooked again immediately and bought a new set the next day. Not long after they were sold with most everything else when I really sized down.

Talking on the phone to a friend up ahead of me on the Ferry to Nantucket. I hadn’t parked the car and didn’t realize the wheels were turned in. As I pulled forward, BIG SCRAPE, as I heard the mate say, “that was an expensive phone call.”

Never never making agreements up front, whether in friendships, partnerships, volunteer work, even with hairdressers. Especially hairdressers.

My tenacity in trying to make terrible situations or relationships work.

All the times I was returning phone calls from my car on my way home from work because it was the only chance I had. I’d end the conversation when I got in my garage. How rude of me.

My apologies to all the people around whom I smoked for about 12 years.

Never learning how to get help.

Trying Zumba classes. Are you kidding?

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