It’s dangerous to share anything unfinished. But when I’ve completed enough of these essays I’ll know if this collection is worthy of something beyond this site. Some people think I’m being too hard on myself but without opening a vein there’s no point.
This all started because I feel as though another part of my brain has at last begun to function. I had always chosen to view my life as a collection of adventurous decades, or going with the flow. I now see it for what it was: magnificently unplanned, without a compass and having nothing at all to do with self-respect or understanding my own abilities and gifts. There is one way and only one way to view much of my life thus far, and that is stupid beyond belief.
I see why I didn’t plan, didn’t know how to learn and didn’t value myself, but there isn’t all that much time left to live what would be the opposite of stupid. I can’t start amazingly intelligent now, though there’s little harm in trying to get something, even the smallest thing just a little right. And I foresee no disaster in writing down the past. Go ahead I say, there just may be someone who reads this, and will at least be entertained.
If anyone just stood on a stage and read my “stupendously stupid” list, it would be pretty acceptable stand-up comedy. Yes, I’ve made my list of “stupendously stupid,” the unfortunate decisions that make a life. That list includes everything from trying to color my own hair turning it orange, to being interviewed for a job over drinks and having sex with the guy that night. (It was the 70’s.) I’ll probably have to go lie down just thinking about it.